Mechs vs Minions Review – A League Game Without the Toxic All Chat

If you’ve ever had a bad experience playing League of Legends, I want you to put that aside. Because, unlike all chat, Mechs vs Minions doesn’t have a toxic component in its box. Instead, it’s a celebration of Runeterra and the lore behind one of the most popular games of all time.

It comes with a fully voiced 10-level campaign, with plenty of surprises sprinkled throughout. I’ve done my best not to mention specifics or spoil anything outside of general gameplay. But there might be some details given away.

At its core Mechs vs Minions is about a couple of uncoordinated yordles learning how to drive. This translates to creating and curating a row of cards called your command line. As part of your turn, you execute this command line by performing the actions of its cards from left to right. Killing dozens of minions in the process.

Before we get to that fun, each round starts with a flip of Zhonya’s Minuteglass. Giving you and everyone else 60 seconds to draw several cards, and discuss who’s taking which cards.

As for the cards themselves, they’re all basic commands. For example, one lets you turn 90 degrees, and another damages the three squares in front of your character. You can, however, power these up by stacking cards of the same type on top.

After the time runs out, everyone adds a new card to their line. It’s time to execute your command line. This usually resembles a bunch of five-year-olds learning to ice skate, with bodies going in every direction.

Once everyone’s taken their turn, it’s over to the minions.

Each mission they move, and spawn differently, but they always manage to be in the worst position possible. Often causing you damage, or messing up the objective you’re trying to complete.

Speaking of damage, there’s no dying in Mechs vs Minions. Instead, you draw damage cards that range from nasty instant events to cards that sit on top of your command line. Forcing you to carry out the same chaotic action every turn.

Eventually, you either complete the objective and win the scenario, or lose and have to redo the challenges you just faced.

Tthe biggest surprise

The biggest surprise of Mechs vs Minions isn’t that it’s a video game company made a board game. No, the biggest surprise is that it’s so darn good.

Let’s start with the amount of effort put into the production. From the hundred minion miniatures, all gone over with a wash of paint to draw out the details, to the excellent storage solution that houses them all perfectly. No stone was left unturned when it came to producing this board game. Even after launch they fully voiced the 10 story scenarios on their website and added a scenario creation tool.

It’s now 2023, and still, no game has come close to the production value of Mechs vs Minions.

Turning to gameplay, you start each scenario as a bumbling group of yordles trying to get control of your mechs and an empty command line. But by the end, your command line is full and you’re slaughtering handfuls of minions on each turn. The satisfaction of taking 10-20 minions off the board cannot be understated. The pleasing tactility of picking up so many defeated miniatures works as a wonderful reward for a command line well run. It also makes you feel bloody powerful in a way few board games do.

Despite this though, Mechs vs Minions isn’t always a game focused around defeating tidal waves of minions. Instead, you’re always completing an objective. So you need to work together with your teammates. Like a football team, you often break up into attacking and defending teams, with plenty of collaboration between everyone.

Now hopefully, you can all work together to get the best outcome. But as with Pandemic, there’s nothing within the game stopping one person from dominating these conversations.

Still, collaboration is at the centre of the game and only by working together will you get a successful outcome. Although, regardless of the outcome, you’ll always have a good time with Mechs vs Minions. As you’re either doing well, enjoying your success, or doing horribly and laughing as your character moves like a sentient bucking bronco.

Riot, please!

Where’s Teemo?

Seriously, Teemo is the most frustratingly likeable character within League of Legends. With his cute voice and Boy Scout uniform, he has some of the most annoying abilities in the game. As such, I kept expecting him to show up during the campaign, but he never did.

On the topic of the campaign. Mechs vs Minions does an amazing job of ramping you up into the game. You can dive straight into the tutorial scenario and start playing before you even touch the rulebook. Then every mission either adds new rules or changes the game in some way to keep it fresh.

As is the case with most campaign games, however, some of these missions weren’t as interesting as others. Some were tight, engaging creating edge-of-your-seat experiences. While others the pace was off. Where you dealt with the major threats of the mission but were struggling to finish off the objective.

Particularly towards the end of the campaign.

At that point, the missions became overly long, and there didn’t seem like there was anything new to discover. This isn’t such a bad thing, but a lot of the excitement you get from Mechs vs Minions is from finishing a scenario and getting a new power, rule, or ability to play within the next mission.

Without these additions, most missions are missing the spontaneity to be exciting solely by themselves. Because of the structure of the game, you’re always moving in a similar pattern, enemies are always moving in a similar pattern. The only changes to this programming are the cards drawn at the start of the round and the damage cards.

Even then, these damage cards aren’t enough. Except for the few critical failure cards, they often only act like a speed bump rather than forcing you to change what you were doing.

Welcome to Runeterra

Riot Games could have easily done a MOBA board game and no one would have batted an eye. Instead, they created something special with Mechs vs Minions. A board game that both newcomers and hobbyist diehards can enjoy.

This applies to the theme as well.

If you’re a League of Legends fan, then you’ll love Mechs vs Minions for its many nods to the game and the world of Runeterra. On the other hand, if you’re new to League of Legends then there’s still a lot to love. From its rascally cast of characters and fun artwork to its light-hearted story where everything that can go wrong does.

When many board game campaigns failed to go the distance with my group, we finished the campaign and clocked up over a cumulative 60 hours of Mechs vs Minions. The story, the gameplay, and the tactility of smashing waves and waves of minions far outweigh all of the negatives the game has. Even if it sometimes does overstay it’s welcome.